Friday, November 04, 2005

White Powder

Jack has done really well for himself,I thought,when we met yesterday at a funeral."You
must've found a mare's nest",I said,as we embraced."Tell you later"he said and winked.Jacks
father was a Greyhound trainer and Jack had discovered his father's "Medicine"cabinet at an
early age,so while the rest of us believed the fairy stories about fried banana skins and Aspros
dropped in Coca Cola getting you high,Jack had experienced the dubious pleasures of Speed,Coke and certain slimming tablets.In all fairness to him,he never injected himself with
anything as he reckoned that if God wanted him to have more holes,he'd have been born with them.

Because he was his own guinea-pig,and fond as he was of Cocktails,Jack quickly mastered
the effects of most Chemicals,from Beechams Powders to whatever the Olympic sprinters
were using and everything in between.One day,much to our amusement,he produced a bottle
containing a white powder which,he assured us,when sprinkled on a womans fanny,made it taste
of oranges.

When we had stopped laughing ,he explained that his problem was Marketing and how to turn his invention into money.He had been turned down by all the banks bar one,and even that
one rejected his idea at head office.His invention was doomed and his wonderful white powder
was lost to the world forever due to lack of finance.He left Dublin shortly after that and I'd seen
neither hair nor hide of him till yesterday.

After the funeral he invited me to lunch,as much,I suspected,to show off his spanking new
Beemer and new found wealth as anything,but fuck it,I thought,a man is entitled to show-off
the odd time,as long as he doesn't make a habit of it.Besides,I was itch'n to know how he got it,
or if he'd won the Lottery.We'd a great laugh over lunch,especially when I mentioned the
white powder,fannies and oranges.It was then that the subject of his wealth came up.

He explained that he'd realised that there was something basically wrong with his formula
having been turned down by so many banks.After all,all those financiers and money men
could'nt all be wrong so he went back to the drawing board.What Jack eventually came up
with was a black powder,and what you do is,you sprinkle it on an orange..................................

6 comments:

Vegetarian said...

where can I buy some

G.Bush said...

then what happens?

El Barbudo said...

Finely chopped and dried anchovies would do it.

Andraste said...

...and what about a shredded Brillo pad?

Dr Maroon said...

As a scientist, I’ve been thinking about this for most of the afternoon. What if it was an ORANGE powder that you sprinkled on your, no, that’s not going to work. Forget I mentioned it.

the anti-barney said...

Like all great inventions such as
wireless,t.v.,etc.,everybody seeks
to improve them,but its the original invention that warrants
most respect