Friday, November 18, 2005

Lechyd Da

Half a lifetime ago I found myself working in Port Penrhyn,a small,bleak fishing port at the
entrance to the Menai Straits in North Wales.I found it to be most unfriendly and miserable,
not unlike it's inhabitants who were also dour and miserable.I've had no time for the sullen
bastards ever since and over the years have taken great pleasure out of any misfortune
to have fallen on their Soccer and Rugby teams,the jabbering Welsh-speaking cunts.My
reasons for being there were manyfold,but mainly because I was in an un-cooperative
mood with the local constabulary,and was unwilling to help them with their enquiries into
an unsolved arson case in which a "Listed" hotel was gutted.The Corporation had wanted
to preserve the hotel,a property developer took the opposite view,An "Italian Barbeque"
settled their dilemma and I fuckled off on the Mailboat.

All the sourness and dourness started to get me down so one day I approached a local in the
pub (even the pubs were miserable,closing all day on Sundays ),

"What is it with you Welsh people,I try to be friendly and all youse seem to do is ignore me
or worse still,turn your backs and jabber away in welsh."

Somewhat taken aback,he answered

"well you see,it's like this.North Wales is a Welsh-speaking area,is very old-fashioned and
we don't trust you English.As soon as you open your mouth we know you're one of THEM."

Ignorant of his unintended insult, he continued,

"What you want to do is learn a little of the language to impress the locals,they'll loosen
up a little then."

"You must be fuckin' joking."

"No no no,Boyo.(I swear he said this) Its not hard,for instance,Lechyd Da means Good Day."

"Yakkie Daw" I repeated.

"Close enough "says he."and Bori Da and Nos Da mean Good Morning and Good Night "

"Borrie Daw,Nos Daw,Yakkie Daw."I mimicked.

Full of resolve to try out my newfound linguistic skills ,I went out and headed back home
through the pissing rain and cold,in truth it was more like a mini-hurricane.Just to spite
me there wasn't a Welshman to be seen anywhere,the miserable cunts.After walking about
half a mile I came across a car broken down in a huge pool of water with the unfortunate
driver knee deep in water and half under the bonnet.If anything the poor fucker was even
wetter than me as the wind drove the sheets of rain directly at him.

Not being put off by a little thing like two foot of water,I waded out and tapped him on the
shoulder,"Yakkie Daw" I said proudly.The poor fucker got such a fright he banged his head
on the bonnet and dropped his tools in the water.He looked at me with disgust and temper
and in a venomous English accent spat,

"Fuck off,you Welsh bastard."

12 comments:

Brewski said...

I hope you lamped the cunt AB.

the anti-barney said...

Nah,I broke me bollix laughing.

Charlie said...

Could have been worse he might have said something "nice"

Dancing Crow said...

Lovely...ROTFLOL

the anti-barney said...

Cheers,Charlie.Mr.Crow,if ROTFLOL is a lame insult,I love you too.

LindyK said...

nah, no insult, Barnes dear, it's lazy people speak for rolling on the floor laughing out loud... I was laughing my sweet arse off, too, but I wouldn't use an acronym for it...

Dancing Crow said...

Gotta love it. Gotta love it. That is some delish irony there, no doubt.

Calm your liver, that means I thought it was funny. As good as anything on current TV, the story was all the more effective due to the realism in it.

I did actually laugh when I read whatcha got here, pretty rare for me I gotta admit.

I found your site down a chain of sites related to some comments on my blog.

El Barbudo said...

I used to know this guy who lived in Wales and would paint these stones with a seagull on them. In English, across the top it said "Welcome to Wales". Underneath, was a comment written in Welsh, which everyone assumed meant the same thing. In fact it said "Fuck off you English Bastards".

He sold loads of the fucking things.

the anti-barney said...

Probably to the Irish and scots,
thats the type of shitehawks they are.

Brewski said...

When I lived in Holland, it was difficult to make friends since every foreign cunt was Welsh, Irish or Scottish. My cunting English accent don't you know. I harbour a deep resentment toward my Mum for ever leaving Cork. Why Mum, why?

Dr. E. Scientist, phD. said...

A grand one, Anti-Barney.

M R said...

you cunt