Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Calamity (Sort of )

Your host is feeling very sorry for himself today as I have
developed a large abscess on my cheek because a loose
tooth has become infected.This,painful as it is,is not the
main reason for my discomfiture and agitation,but the cure
for the cuntish abscess is.I went to the doctor yesterday to
see about reducing the size of my pumpkin-like features
and had to consult with a lady doctor with whom I had
never met.

Whatever the fuck information was on the computer about
me,I don't know,but as soon as she typed my name in ,her
eyes widened and she looked at me and back to the screen
several times,I could only describe the look as a kind of
morbid fascination but at least she didn't tut-tut.You'll
know,of course,whats coming next,as I did.

"You can't drink with the anti-biotics,if I prescribe them
for you.",she said and waited for my face to drop,she wasn't
disappointed.Having achieved the desired result,she continued

"You'll get a severe reaction,your head will swell up and you'll
get what we call Big Red Head syndrome."

I don't know if she was taking the piss or not so I've decided
not to chance it (too much )and to try and cut down for a week.
I have gone the odd day without drink,and nearly went two days
without drinking once.Last year I spent a week in hospital
after getting a new hip and found that Vodka washes Librium
down quite nicely,and is a great sleeping aid,along with sleeping
tablets,of course.

So far,so good,and I've hardly touched a drop today,but if you
should read about the assault rate increasing in the Dublin area
or if you hear that the authorities wish to interview an
aggresive 6ft 4in male with a massive red head,I'd be
grateful if you didn't contact Crimewatch.


fatmammycat said...

Phweft! We would never willingly shop a fellow drinker, batter away.

Brewski said...

If a Doctor said that to me I would demand a second opinion. From the landlord of the local, who would soon put me right. Two days AB? Fucking hell, I would kill myself with shame, being the dedicated devotee of libation that I am. Who's round is it?