Rather than reply to the thoughtful and incisive comments
after yesterdays post,I have sneakily decided to chance
another post out of the subject.In truth I was rather
surprised to find that I am not the only one to spend time
wondering who or what our fellow bloggers may be,and
feeling apprehensive and less than confidant of wherever
the realities lie. I suppose we are all somewhat like small
children wanting to believe in Santa against all the odds
and available evidence,in hoping and wanting our
favourites to be somewhere close or at least in the same
parish as who we imagine them to be.
Even in real life none of us see ourselves as others see
us,how else can you explain Janet Street-Porter and
Jonathan Ross,two,to put it mildly,rather plain people
with annoying speech impediments.One would have
thought that they would have taken one look in the mirror,
or had one listen to themselves on tape and said fuck it,I'll
just stay in the background.Look at them now,the cunts
don't doubt themselves for a minute.I used to take the
occasional order on the phone and one young lady always
asked for me to take her order.We used to have a bit of
skit along the way and she had a really nice and friendly
voice,sort of low and purring and breathless.As time went
by our conversations became more flirty and filled with
double-meanings until one day my driver didn't turn up
and I had to do the deliveries myself and I would be
lying if I said that I wasn't looking forward to meeting my
flirt-mate.My excitement mounted as I carried her goods
through the doors as I anticipated seeing her for the first
time.Words cannot describe the disappointment and
feelings of deflation I saw on that that young womans face.
It thought me a fuckin' good lesson,I can tell you.
So precisely because we will never meet and therefore
can never be proved wrong,I'll go first in describing the
select few.We'll do the wimin first only because they'll be
the easiest in our imaginations and also because we all know
that ladies do not fib,exaggerate or behave in a dishonest
manner,ever.Also because the alternative would be too
unbearable to contemplate as we have all fallen in love,
to a greater or lesser degree,with Lindy,Andraste,Fat-
mammycat ,Just Breathe and the sexy one,We'll take
them at face value,give them a few tweaks and twiddles
in our fertile imaginations and let the hare sit.
Dr. Maroon,ah the good doctor,I have him down as a cross
between Sean Connery and that little fellow out of four
weddings,only more charming and of course far more
I'm including Twenty here as well even though he has
never shown any interest in our community but his
was the first blog I ever read.I'd imagine him to be
a yuppy journalist living in luxury on the South-side
of Dublin,possibly Foxrock.He is in his mid-thirties
and has never been in a row in his life,other than
when he was being bullied at school.
Nice Charlie is normally nice when things run
smoothly but he shows a nice little bit of vitriol
when its warranted.
Wouldn't you just love to go on the piss with Footsie,
Brewski and Binty but at this stage I'd have to raid
a chemist for their entire stock of Dexedrine just to
last the night with the mad cunts,just reading their
blogs wear me out.
We'll have to include Barbie here because even though
he doesn't drink he doesn't need to as hes mad as
fuck without it and also theres a new side to him I'm
only beginning to appreciate as he alluded to his
partiality to substances today so theres room for
manouvre there,so Barbie you're driving.
Joke Mail I love like a brother but never lets his
essence slip,so the jury has to stay out for the
Gorilla Bananas is more of a voice for me,he is my
conscience,the one I never wanted.His voice is the
voice of Lion King's father ,deep, kind and honest.
This brings us to that mad fucker,Dr.Evil.Ian
Flemming should be resurrected just to include
him as a foil for Mr.Bond.We may or maybe not
related but if we are,stay the fuck away from him
'cause he has to be a horrible bollix.
I'm sorry if I've left anyone out but I'm fed up
typing this and it was only supposed to be a short
and handy post anyway.