Harvey.

I suppose its my own fault for not sorting the little
cunt out as soon as I copped him,but at first I thought
I was imagining things.After all it wouldn't be the
first time I saw things that weren't there.

I must digress here for a minute and tell you about
a friend of mine who trained greyhounds.He had just
received ten rabbits which he was to "show" to the
dogs and next morning found they had all escaped.
Frank lived in a fairly built-up area and not wishing
to alert the neighbours about what he had been up to
was searching as inconspicuously as possible for his
runaways.He peeped over a neighbour's fence and
saw the occupant staring goggle-eyed out the back-
garden.Now this man was a hard-core alcoholic and
was obviously the worse for wear,as he opened the
window he screamed out

"Jaysus Frank,I've just seen the biggest rat I ever saw
in my life."

Did you ever notice how nobody ever sees a small rat,its
always

"I've just seen a big fuckin' rat ." Its never a medium rat
or a baby rat,no its always a big,huge fuckin' rat.

Suffice to say I did nothing about it as my first reaction
to any problem is to put it on the back-boiler.I had a
good idea that my wildlife wasn't a rat so I wasn't that
concerned,but by fuck,mice can make some mess,the
little cunts.I didn't bother with traps as they're too
messy and anyway I didn't tell anyone that we had
visitors so traps would have been a bit of a giveaway.
Besides I've always thought that the best way to get rid
of vermin is to feed them,so there are a few mice with
sore bellies in the Barney household at the moment.

The only good thing about having mice is that you know
they'll never stick around where a rat is living.