Hear no Evil

So there I was,caught red-handed loading ten boxes of
bananas into my van aided by the two thieves who had
stolen them.Their rightful owner had followed the thieves
and his goods (at a safe distance ) and was not best pleased.
He insisted on calling the Piggies despite him knowing me
or maybe because of it ,and furthermore insisted on
charges being brought,in face of my protestations of
innocence in any wrongdoing.

After being charged in the Bridewell with" Receiving
stolen Goods "I cursed my luck and headed across
to Ormond Quay to get myself a Solicitor.Now anybody
who reads this blog or any anonymous cunts who know
me already know my opinion of Solicitors as being the
lowest of the low,the second oldest profession in the World,
and not nearly as honourable as the oldest.The reason that
I wanted to use a stranger was because my own Solicitor is
quite expensive and anyway,it was none of his business,also
I considered Receiving to be too trivial to bother too much
about.

If you knew this area,you'd know there is an infestation of
solicitors in the area,each one seedier than the last,the one
I randomly picked turned out to be the seediest of the lot,
a Dickensian character the great man himself would have
been delighted to conjure.I outlined my case to him,how it
was my business to buy and sell fruit and veg.,and,of course,
the cheaper I bought,the better.I assured him that I had no
idea the bananas were stolen and that it was common
practise not to be issued with receipts for cash purchases.

He leaned back in his plastic-covered chair and regarded me
over the top of his spectacles,

"So you'd no idea they were stolen ?"

"No."

"None whatever ?"

"Thats right "

"You met these men and you bought ten boxes of bananas
off them,even though they were stolen ?"

"I didn't know they were stolen,how could I ?"

"You're sure you didn't know?"

"I'm sure."

"Are you positive ?",all the time with a straight face. We
stared at each other for a few seconds,then,

"What sort of an imbecile do you take me for ? Of course
I knew they were stolen."

He went fucking ballistic and shouted,

"How dare you tell me you knew they were stolen and
expect me to defend you in Court,Don't ever tell me that
again."




Postscript;

the two cunts who signed statements involving me were
found not guilty of theft but guilty of Stealing by finding,
received fines and suspended sentences.
The charge against me was dropped,due to lack of evidence,
and the solicitor who got 80 pounds off me before telling
me the charge was dropped (80 pounds was a lot of money in
the late 70s ),I never saw again,