Thursday, February 02, 2006

Glark

Today I would like to introduce you to Glark,
the only Dinosaur-hound in the world.He was
raised by Cannibals in the Amazon jungle,where
he promptly ate his siblings and mother but his
diet nowadays is raw meat,rice and Fusion-food,
he particularly likes the fusion of hair,flesh,blood
and bones of Poodles.Even though he appears to
be colour-blind he prefers the black ones and will
always eat the black ones first,given a choice.

His acute sense of smell makes him ideal for
seeking out anonymous commenters,and since
I blooded him with his first anonymous,he has
taken to seek and destroy missions like a duck to
water.

He is available for hire,details on request.

22 comments:

Dr Maroon said...

It’s amazing to me what these blogs do every day. Have just read FMC’s tale Raven and all, and have been thinking about pyjamas and suede wallpaper ever since. And first thing this morning, I was playing with Glark like a psychotic. It is the best name ever for a pet.

Anonymous said...

You frickin' artichoke eater! I know you are. Sittin' there, all pretty and judgemental, with your oral oriface all stuffed with artichokes.

I hope you choke on 'em, cause there's those of us who can't afford them.

You don't think of us, do you, with the artichoke heart on your fork like the lower castes mounted to the hood ornament of your Jaguar XJ-6, do you?

I hope you frick off and die of terminal genital cancer and they have to make a special pair of pants for your viewing because your tumerous balls are the size of canteloupes.

I hope its a public viewing so I can come and laugh next to your coffin, point at your crotch and scream, "Fat LOT OF GOOD MR FANCYPANTS GOT FROM EATING ARTICHOKES AND DRIVING HIS JAGUAR!!!"
Serve you right, you fricker.

Dr Maroon said...

Footie! You've come back to us, thank the lord! I was getting worried.

SafeTinspector said...

Was Footie gone? How do you know he is back?

LindyK said...

Glark?! Great name...

the anti-barney said...

Artichokes give you cancer ????

Anonymous said...

I think his upper-crust, artichoke eating ways just depleted his karma to the point where he developed the cancer.
Or, YOUR FRICKIN' READING TOO MUCH INTO IT!

Christ, you'd think a man could leave a random insult without analysts trying to assign it deeper meaning. It's only as deep as your rectal cavity, and no where near as full of random battery operated polyvinyl rods.

the anti-barney said...

O.k. sunshine,you wouldn't leave it,
I havn't got a car,I don't like artichokes and I probably wouldn't like you.If you look at my post 15/12/05 even you will realise that I don't get cancer,I give it,so watch your step as you're standing on dangerous ground.
Is there something in your anally retentive personality,assuming you've got one,that prevents you from swearing properly,the word is FUCK not frig,FUCK.
What are you,a frickin' child?

Dr Maroon said...

Love it.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Oh, in case you're wondering, I have a 27 inch penis.

the anti-barney said...

So,child,basic phsycology tells me you are in fact a latent homosexual,most likely a virgin with a penis the size of a clitoris.Do you squat to piss ?Did the others all laugh at you when they saw your tiny appendage?Yes,thats what we'll call you,"Little Willy".
I'll tell you one more thing,Little Willy,if you don't get the fuck off my site,I WILL wish cancer on you and you WILL get it.Fucking loser.

Gorilla Bananas said...

What a strange man! Anon, I mean, not you AB.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
the anti-barney said...

Now Little Willy,sit back and wait for the lump.

27AnonymousInches said...

Awww... you know how long it took me to type that? I'm no Mavis Beacon Rumplestiltskin, but my words of love to you were most definitely legendary, mythical and efficiently typed.

It took me hours of shifting my pendulous appendage from one side of my workspace to the other as I typed those inspiring words of encouragement.

Honesly, I know you have at least three inches on me, probably need a wheelbarrow to tour your member around the neighborhood. It probably is the diet. You eat right, right?

Mr. Artichoke?!?

Sometimes a friend eats lasagna, and get bigger down below.
Sometimes an enemy eats arugula, and he might get sudden and involuntary celibacy. I love arugula, but THAT IS JUST A COINCIDENCE!

Sometimes A Friend Eats Tomatos; It's No Secret Pally, Each Cunt Takes One Rectum.

And that's why you are SOOO huge and impressive. That's how you learned to paint it black and wear it as a bolo. What a dashing figure you present, with your bolo around your neck topped with a stetson on your head!
Believe me, though, when I try the same trick people run away yelling, "He has a BOA CONSTRICTOR WRAPPED AROUND HIS NECK!"

the anti-barney said...

You are a persistent little creep,aren't you?,my first ever stalker,probably the first ever Net-stalker,To mark this occasion I am not going to delete your inane drivel,but leave it so everyone can have a laugh at your childish meanderings.Any more shite you chose to post WILL be deleted and the only consequence of your typing will be to wear you finger down to the size of your pathetic little willy.(Like a prick only smaller).

Dr. E. Scientist, phD. said...

Yer very own cyber stalker. I've never had one of those

Dr Maroon said...

"Sometimes A Friend Eats Tomatoes It's No Secret Pally, Each Cunt Takes One Rectum"

OR

SAFETINSPECTOR

come on guys get with the program.


Perhaps inspired by you're previous Glark post. Anyway i saw it in two ticks.

SafeTinspector said...

I was wondering when someone would get it!
Honestly, as much a fool I was making of myself I'd have thought no one would take it seriously.
:)

Dr Maroon said...

You did say right at the start "YOU'RE READING TOO MUCH INTO IT" , but I thought it was Foot eater because of the "lower castes" phrase which you must have picked up subliminaly from his bit. (see footie we do read the posts)

Anyway, Barney does a post about anonymous commenters...

Right now reading this, he's thinking, "Now why would a nice lad like that, do this to me?"

the anti-barney said...

And the hilarious thing is he probably thought I was joking about the cancer.We'll see how clever he is when his hair starts to fall out.Can I be sued in the States for giving cancer to someone ?