Tuesday, April 04, 2006

later that day in the Country.

So Larry and meself were having a right oul' chinwag,leaning on
a gate in a mild and inoffensive manner when a Traveller's van
whizzes by,at about 19 m.p.h.They drive this slowly so they can
case houses on both sides of the road,the thieving cunts.

"You'd better keep the Shotgun handy tonight." I said to Larry.

"Sure I've not got one since the cuntsa guards took it off me."

"How the fuck come."

It turns out that Larry heard some voices out the back last
Autumn and when he went outside to investigate he saw two
Travellers looking over his fence.When he challenged them and
asked what they were doing,they told him to mind his own fuck-
ing business.

"I'll show you whats my business.",said Larry and went to get
his shotgun.When he came out again one of the knackers had
disappeared and the other had retreated about 50 yards and
was standing underneath a Chestnut tree shouting abuse and
making gestures at Larry.

Without hesitation Larry loosed off both barrels,which had
contained Eley's finest no.4 s, into the tree above the knacker.
Which is where the second knacker had taken refuge and now
came tumbling down through the branches to land in a heap
at the feet of the other.The other looked at his friend,looked
at Larry and ran off screaming

"He's kilt Mikey,he's kilt Mikey."

Mikey,getting over the shock took to running as well,passing
out his companion before they reached the next ditch.

That night the local Gardai came and confiscated Larry's gun.

"I suppose I should have minded my own fucking business." said Larry.

8 comments:

fatmammycat said...

Is Larry Dr Maroon? Or some other Scot you know?
Pfftt!

Twenty Major said...

heh, fucking classic.

Maroon wouldn't have the balls to shoot a knacker.

Charlie said...

hmm how strange man defends property gets gun confiscated.
Well it would be strange except we live in a fucked up world.

Charlie said...

Thanks for saying you liked my campfires in the wilderness. I had a moment of poetic clarity in my drunken ramblings.

the anti-barney said...

Ah,I get you now Fmc.,Kilt,very droll.
Twenty,I'm sure the good doctor would enjoy shooting a knacker as much as any of us.
Charlie,the gun may have been confiscated because he missed the second one.Also,some of the best poets are/were,as we say here,fond of a drink.

Dr Maroon said...

Christ! Oul Twenty, poor oul soul, all that magnolia in his homage to corporate colour schemes has addled him.
My balls are magnificent, like duck eggs they are, but he's right! I wouldn't shoot a thief.

fatmammycat said...

That not what I mean at all, kilt if perfect Irish knacker parlance, right up ther with baabee. I meant 'Sure I've not got one...' Not got? Awae wi' yae? Scotty surely.

P1P said...

Should be open season. Maybe it could be combined with the people whoused tohunt foxes. Hunt a burglar.