Thursday, April 13, 2006

Captain's Log

The following was found alongside the parchment that
is considered to be a part of the Gospel of St. Judas.


The bleedin' Jews have me heart scalded.What about this and
what are you doing about that ?Now they're on their high horses
about some damned hippy going around preaching love and
saying he's the son of God,as if that was unusual around here. If
I had a piece of silver for every unwashed long-haired layabout
spouting love and other bull-shit I'd have retired back to Rome
years ago.

The Pharisees have lodged a complaint about him causing a
kerfuffle at one of their meetings and now the moneylenders,
two of whom were major contributers to the Mayor's election
fund, are accusing him of being the cause of a 50% drop in bus-

This Jaysus,or whatever his name is , is generally accompanied
by a large rabble ,but in all fairness they have caused us no
problems so far and have been good for business for the hot-
dog and kebab vendors.They keep pretty much to themselves,
camping out in the open and their singing and clapping goes on
well into the night.There have been reports of several ladies of
ill-repute in the entourage but they havn't solicited any locals
as yet.

I'll have to finish this journal at a later date as some of my sol-
diers have just brought in two men suspected of obscene be-
haviour after being caught kissing in the park at Gethsemanee.


Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

I heard the Messiah's real name was Bertrand Jaysus or B Jaysus as he's still known on the Celtic fringe. Apparantly you can scare him out of people 'cos of the Holy Ghost thing and those two being part of the holy trinity, and As One, an' that. For my part, he was scared INTO me as a child and, bugger it, if he just won't be scared all the way out again.

fatmammycat said...

Good Friday, Cuz. Don't you have a lock-in to go to?

Dr Maroon said...

Your scenario is probably very near the truth. Did you know that Pontius Pilate was a Scotchman? Born at Fort Augustus.
If Sam was here she would tell you.
And on that subject, we used to call it the Holy Ghost but I see it's all Holy Spirit now. How things change when you turn your back for a decade or two.

the anti-barney said...

scots-fucking-man,its SCOTS-FUCKING-MAN or Scottish man,Scotch is a drink,similar to Irish whiskey but not as good.

El Barbudo said...

Fucking excellent!

Ignore me - I'm not here - just a flying visit

Dr Maroon said...

Scotch whisky is better. Everyone knows that. Jeezo. So are our tomatoes, beef, mutton, raspberries, strawberries, ice cream, Tennents lager, (don't argue, I'm a fucking expert) fish (sea, farmed or wild), game in general, excluding fowl with that disease, and other stuff i can't remember. It's all SCOTCH.
Our legal system is Scots. (as is the porridge, which is grown in Canadia. Don't worry, I'm boring myself.

Foot Eater said...

Did someone fart just before you commented, Doc?

the anti-barney said...

And I always thought the Resurrection was a load of old bollocks.
Hows it going buddy?
How is your death working out for you? (I've always wanted to ask somebody that.)

Dr Maroon said...

Who the fuck is he talking to? He's in the horrors!

El Barbudo said...

Not as much fun as I'd hoped, Barney me lad.

Dr Maroon said...

He’s like Doc Daneeka in Catch 22.