Saturday, December 31, 2005

What are you doing for New Years Eve ?

What am I doing ? I'll tell you what I'm doing,I'm
doing absolutely positively sweet fuck all because
I hate New Years eve with a passion,the kind of
passion I normally reserve for Knackers or bastards
who are cruel to animals.I hate the whole false
Bonhomie,shaking hands and kissing arseholes
who you would'nt normally spit on.

The last few times that I was forced to go out on
New years eve,I hid in the toilets till the countdown
and kissing was over.I have a feeling that the only
ones who go out are pug-ugly cunts who would'nt
get a hug at a funeral,not even their parent's,let
alone a kiss.If you do go out to some function or
other,chances are you'll be seated close to some
fucker that you've disliked since schooldays,him
and his entire pasty-faced,bovine-headed clan,
each one noisier and more obnoxious than the
last.

Apart from my Scottish brother-in-law,I don't know
anyone who likes this horrible night,and he does'nt
count due to his being from Maroonland.You'd be
more likely to find somebody admitting to being a
fan of Gary Glitter than a fan of Hogma-poxy-nay.
Not only are you drinking and eating in a pool
infested with arseholes but you are paying through
the nose for the privilige.I've lost count of the times
I've been ripped-off at one of these "celebrations".

Like the time in the 70s when Paul Tullio,then
owner of Gourmet Restaurant,Armstrongs Barn,
now Paulo Tullio,Gourmand,Food critic and wine
expert invited us up to his restaurant for a" special"
New Years Eve.Oh yes,it was special all right,
special for him as he charged everyone 30 quid a
skull at the door and led us to a cold buffet.Not only
that but the entertainment consisted of some oul'
shite squeezing noise out of a poxy accordion.I
don't know about you but I firmly believe that the
only thing that should ever accompany a dreaded
accordion is a stanley knife.We thought out we'd
never get,and back to civilization before the pubs
closed.

Like the time we'd booked into "The tree of
Idleness",a top of the range Greek Restaurant
owned by a Cypriot called Akis,a friend of mine at
the time,in Bray.We had a very pleasant meal,the
four of us,and as the clock ticked on towards twelve,
the waiters placed bottles of Champaigne at each
table,nice touch I thought,classy.Midnight struck
and the Champers was opened and drank with the
unneeded help of Akis who had joined us.He also
helped us with a second and a third followed by
a bottle of putrid sickly-sweet Cypriot piss-water
brandy,then proceeded to charge us for the lot,the
miserable swine.I'm glad hes dead now,probably
died of meanness.

And all this for what,the end of one poxy year
and the beginning of a new bastard that all our
experiences tell us will be just as miserable as the
old one.

Should auld acquantance be forgot
and never brought to mind ?

If fuckin only.


Oh,and happy New Year Year Doc and all in Maroonland.

7 comments:

Clairwil said...

You're right. New Year is shite. I particularly hate the kissing bit. I can just about tolerate shaking hands with someone I don't like but the kissing is unbearable, especially as everyone I hate seems to suffer from a severe overproduction of saliva. Slabbery enemies-yuck,yuck,yuck.

El Barbudo said...

I'm not going to interfere with your rant. Just thought you might want to know that if you got rid of the "[/ul] [li]" (should be angular brackets, but blogger comments don't allow me to use them) between the tugged beard bit and the blogorama bit in your template, that would probably sort it.

WV: vegtaf - vegetarian welshman?

Dr Maroon said...

NO, I'm sorry, you do protest too much.
You love every minute of it, that much is obvious.

As we speak, I am on Harvey's Bristol Cream and Woodpecker cider (seperate glasses) as a hangogover cure, and, when I am able, I shall go back on to strong drink, we all know this is how it works.
Anyway, it's important to check in with the likeS of yourself to make sure it's all going to plan.

For an Irishman to be stiffed for the Champagne at the end of the night,....No Fucking Way.... I've never seen that in my whole fucking life...and ...That's ...NEVER!

Dr Maroon said...

Is it me, or has there been some subtle changes made to this weblog?
New curtains? What?
There used to be links and cheeky remarks about the place.

wv is sczwzi, a slang Czech word used by prostitutes to describe an expensive pleasure. (two girls required)

Brewski said...

Fuck! That's what those two beautiful women in Prague kept whispering to me. I thought they were ticket-touts.

the anti-barney said...

Afternoon all,good afternoon Clairwil,nice of you to join us.
You are correct Doc.,the not so subtle changes are the result of trying to put a fuckin' tugged it
thingy on my site.If it does'nt sort ITSELF out I'm going to fuck off and leave it to its impudent self.

Dr. E. Scientist, phD. said...

I forget what I was going to say here yesterday, but it was just brilliant.

Since I can't remember, I'll just point out that it's another day off, which I like; and it's a holiday where everyone gets pissed, which means it's just like every other day in these parts.