Monday, December 19, 2005

Teach a man to fish

I see that if you really want to piss somebody off
for Christmas,you can buy them a goat from
Oxfam for 36 euro.Obviously the would be pissed-
off doesn't actually receive the she-goat,she
having been already sent to some aids-ridden
village in Africa.The general idea is that you give
such a gift to someone who has everything or
has enough anyway.

What about charity beginning at home,I'm sure
you all know a lonely bachelor or elderly uncle
who could benefit from the company of a
friendly goat,a goat who would never talk
back,never say no.Some goats may be a tad
reluctant to join in at first,but where theres a
will ,theres a way.It is recommended that a
pair of wellies be presented at the same time
as the goat, so that the lonely uncle,wearing
the wellies,can jam a hind leg into each boot
thus leaving his hands free for other pleasures.
An added bonus here would be that he could
then make bestial skin-fliks ,feed a man a
goat and hes hungry the next day,teach him
to fuck a goat and give him an income
for life.

An added bonus here is that on becoming
tired of the goat or perhaps following a
lovers tiff,he may dispatch her to her
maker and once more the prospects of an
income arises.He could sell her to a master
of hounds or a greyhound trainer to be
used for blooding their charges or he
could sell her to Satanists for one of their
sacrifices.I'm sure they're always on the
lookout for likely goats,of course he
couldn't mention that she was not a
virgin goat.

At the end of all this,he still gets a fuckin'
great meal out of her,and a lovely
hairy mat on his floor to remember her

Thats what I call 36 euro well spent,
as long as you don't get an ugly bastard.


Gorilla Bananas said...

Now I understand the insult "go and fuck a goat" which I once saw on a serious discussion group (yes, a gorilla can be interested in serious stuff as well, got a problem with that?)

El Barbudo said...

"Go fuck a duck" was the expression they used at my school.

In fact when one lad was caught, his excuse was "I was taking a piss, sir, and it backed on to me..."

the anti-barney said...

Don't mock it until you've tried it.