Not My Work

I didn't write this, but I wish to fuck I did.

I got it in an e-mail, but I like to think it is something that I might
have posted if I was still active.



RTE News 15th February 2007 18.02

British & Irish Governments Plan Ceremony in Croke Park Northern IrelandMinister Peter Hain has announced details of a joint ceremony before Irelands crunch game against England in Croke Park on the 24th February.The significance of the game is not lost on GAA followers and republicans who remember the infamous shooting of 14 players and supporters by the British Army on the 21st November 1921.However according to GAA spokesman U Magee a plan being devised by the GAA and the Northern Ireland office, will attempt to draw a line under the incident."We've spoken to the British government and they understand the significance of the event back in 1921. Back then 14 people were killed by British forces so in the spirit of the peace process and friendship we're proposing that we shoot 14 of their lot before the match. Then maybe have fireworks afterwards or something." Said Mr Magee.

Government Reaction

The plan has had a mixed reaction from Downing Street. Prime Minister Tony Blair thinks the idea has merit but said that it needs to be done properly and with dignity."Frankly I think its a small price to pay for progression in Anglo-Irish affairs, but I think the idea of getting Ray Houghton to do the shooting would be too much for many English fans to take particularly after his goal against us back in 1988. And he's Scottish which is worse."

Proposed Victims

According to informed sources, the GAA and Number 10 have already drawn up a list of names for those to be shot. The list, which is not yet agreed, is thought to be a compromise of people that both the Irish and English public dislike. Among the names are moaney-hole singer James Blunt, foul mouth idiot Jade Goody, Trinny & Suzannah, Man Utd donkey Rio Ferdinand, cream cake expert Vanessa Feltz, "comedian" Russell Brand and any of the blokes who do outside broadcasts for Sky News.But discussions took an ironic twist when both sides agreed on shooting Belfastsinger Brian Kennedy, but neither side agreed on what nationality he was. GAA representatives claim he's British with their Foreign Office counterparts claiming he's Irish. The Irish claimed no Irishman should sing or dance in such a manner and the English saying he couldn't be a Brit because he had no tattoos on his forearm and didn't wear Ben Sherman shirts. However there was eventual consensus that he should be shot regardless of his nationality.Plans agreedThe shooting will be carried out my members of the 2nd Infantry Battalion from Cathal Brugha Barracks in Dublin. The original idea to get the FCA to carry out the executions were dropped when they revealed that their rifles are in fact made of baked-plastercine. Similarly the Garda Emergency Response Unit was discounted for fear they'd shoot more innocent civilians then claim overtime for it.

Too Good Not to Share

This is an actual emergency room photo of a fisherman who lost control of his high-speed bass boat in West Virginia . Wardens believe that he was traveling at a speed of approximately 75 MPH at the time of the accident.He was unable to negotiate a curve in the narrow waterway.Unfortunately for him, upon striking the shoreline and being ejected from the boat,he landed back end first on an old fence post. You can probably picture what happened next, but the attached picture really says it all.The good news is that after about 6 months, this man made a full recovery after suffering a shattered hip, broken leg, several broken ribs, internal injuries and soft tissue damage. Doctors credited his recovery to the fact that the post lodged itself so tightly that there was little or no blood loss. Now that's got to hurt!!!

Where's me fuckin' dog ?

This blogosphere has gone to fuck,I just stepped out for a
minute and some whore's bastard robbed my guard-dog.
If you come across him, let me know and there'll be a
bottle of Jaegermeister in it for you.You'll know it is him
because of the teeth-marks you'll have all over your body.




As I'm here.

All I'm saying is , wouldn't you have to feel a bit sorry for
that Wolfgang Priklopil,imagine,eight years without a
holiday,or even a day off.

From the Navajo Beautyway Healing Chart.

All that has harmed me will leave me,

leaving my body cool once more.

Within me today,I shall be well.

All fever will come from me,

and leave me,leave my brow cool.

I will hear today

and see today

and be my own true self today.

This is the day I shall walk.

This is the day when all that is ill will leave me

and I shall be as I was,

as I walk in a cool body.

This day onwards I shall be happy

for nothing will prevent me.

I shall walk and beauty will go before me.

I shall walk and beauty will be behind me.

I shall walk and beauty will be above me.

I shall walk and beauty will be beneath me.

I shall walk and beauty will surround me.

I shall walk and speak of beauty.

For the rest of my days I shall be whole,

for all things are beautiful.



Sin e.



A.B. has left the building.

Chosen People me Arse

If there is a God he chose the wrong fuckin' people.

A pox on the bloodthirsty bastards and their warmongering
sponsors.

20 Eyes for an Eye.

I was going to have a rant about the Israelis today but there
really is no point as they have the most effective and efficient
public relations outfit that has ever been known.The only one
that has ever come close to them belongs to the murdering
babykillers we have up the North.You would have to wonder
why anyone ever asks a spokesperson from Israel or from
Sinn Fein anything because all you ever get is the usual oul'
"poor us" spiel that they've been spouting for years,everything
is everybody's fault but theirs,no matter who they happen to
be holocausting.All I'm saying is that they've learnt well from
the real founder of the state of Israel,Mr. A. Hitler.

Just sometimes you'd think that it might almost be worth not
having any petrol for a while because of some Hamas splinter
group having some kind of Dirty bomb.All I can do is not buy
any Avocado pears or other "Carmel" brands.Cunts.

Two Fingers.

You don't have to like John Prescott,or admire him,but you have

to take your hat off to him,he's got a neck like a jockey's bollocks.

The press hate him,as do the media in general,put none of them

has landed the killer blow,as yet.His own party has as little regard

for him as the opposition,and still he hangs on in there,collecting

his obscene wages,pocketing all the expences he can manage while

living in luxury at the tax-payer's expence.On top of this,he has a

huge index-linked pension to look forward to,and in August he

gets England to play with,as his own,for a few weeks.

How the fuck does he get away with it ? What does he know ?

He acts like he hasn't a care in the world,maybe he hasn't.He is

the exact specimen for which the word Bufoon was invented,the

reason for his continuing existence is unclear,he is as useless as

Kerry Katona ,but still.......

Why shouldn't he play Croquet,its only a game for useless oul'

wankers anyway,and wasn't it refreshing to see his reaction

having been caught porking (how apt ) his secretary.By the way,

they did seem to be having right craic in those photos,but anyway,

he didn't do the normal cowardly thing and blackmail his wife into

posing with him while telling the world that she'll stand by him.

I bet she kicked the bollix out of him,I'd say the press was the

least of his problems when the news broke,tee hee.

What I say is,if somebody gets up so many peoples noses,he

must be doing something right.And ask yourself this,if you had

to go for a pint with Tony Blair,Gordon Brown,David Cameron or

John Prescott,who would you rather be stuck with ?

Bad News

They say that bad news/bad luck comes in threes.

If fucking only.Thats all I'm saying.

I hit a new level on the oul' gargling front this week,and me
after being reasonably good for ages.Last week can't be
counted as someone gave me a litre of Paddy,but in fairness
to me,I got nearly four days out of it,but there was also trips
to the pub.And wine and beer to help with the pressures of
cooking and eating,and online gambling.

I mean,who would have thought they were serious about that
50 K.P.H. speed limit on the Naas dual-carriageway,fifty,for
fucks sake,three lanes,straight road,broad daylight,5.15 A.M.,
dry conditions,140 K.P.H.,2 more penalty points,cunts.

So I was rooting around for a drink yesterday and the choice
boiled down to beer,which wasn't what was required,Baileys (puke)
or a bottle of Mulled wine,talk about Hobson's choice.Still,it
wasn't too bad once I got halfway down.

I mean,if you were doing 50 in those conditions,you might be in
danger of stepping out of the car to see if you were stopped.

Haughey

Bearing in mind that the Irish don't speak ill of the dead.

Hoch Ptoooooo.

Barbeques are Cunts

I have been threatened with a barbeque this afternoon after
skillfully avoiding having one all year, and last, by using the
simple,yet effective method of lying about the weather fore-
cast.You see I am very good at forecasting the weather,unlike
those gobshites in the Met. office.As the weather was important
to my work in a previous incarnation I became quite adept at
reading the charts and coming up with my own conclusions
with the result that my word (on the weather) is gospel in our
house.

As in "What,barbeque today ?,are you mad ?, sure its going to
piss rain." or

"Barbeque in that lazy wind,it'd rather go through you than
around you." or

"Yes,why not,we should be finished before the rain comes."

I am still very accurate ,when it suits me,but for some
strange reason nobody listens to me anymore ???

Two years ago, in a moment of madness,I let Malicia talk me
in to buying one of those new-fangled gas barbeques that does
everything for you, including ruining your food,only more eff-
icently.We'll stop right here while I mention that,as I have said
before,even though I am a very slow,one-fingered typist,I ref-
use to use that horrible word baaaaaaaaarby as it seems to
make the whole proceedings sound even more common and
distasteful.So,getting back to the purchase of the gas-b.,the
novelty of having Malicia cooking outside continued all that
Summer and I took a rest from the kitchen.I normally do
most of our cooking because I'm not bad at it,have the time
and find it to be less of a chore than Malicia does, so fair's
fair,eitherways,she enjoyed the novelty in much the same
way as normal husbands presumably do.

I have no objection to barbeques in theory,in theory they're
fine,its the actuality with which I have problems .Firstly its
the waste of good food that I deplore,no food tastes better
for having been incinerated,in fact it is rare to be served fare
that is reasonably above the standard of edibility.Even if the
cook manages to get some of the meat/fish ready for con-
sumption without destroying it completely,they will surely
make a bollix of something else to be served,the potatoes
too raw or burned,the coleslaw sour,the asparagus as black
as a porn star's micky.

If you are having a b. in your own garden,there seems to be
more preparation involved than for a full Christmas Dinner,
except you have to carry all your stuff outside,and you will
have forgotten several items,involving many more trips back
to the house.Someone has to do the marinades and make
the relishes and dips,me,and carry out the awkward and
heavy stuff,me.

If you have forgotten what happened last time and invite a
few guests,they hang around like Seagulls,watching every
move you make,or worse,offering to help.And theres always
one,isn't there.Oh you know who you are,in spite of all the
warnings from his/her partner to behave themselves this
time and that an eye will be upon them at all times,still man-
age to escape the watcher and make an absolute Poultice of
themselves,forgetting or ignoring the fact that Sun,Gargle
and empty stomachs do not make great bedfellows.

We won't even mention the flies,bluebottles and other insects
that exist solely to irritate us,when not pre-occupied with
spreading disease across our food.Or the arsehole neighbours
who must be watching through binoculars before rushing out
and starting the grass -cutting relay,as soon as one bastard
stops another starts,sometimes with a strimmer.I swear to
fuck,even though our nearest neighbour is 100 yards away,
he made so much noise yesterday,I couldn't hear myself fart,
including during the match.What sort of heathens are these
people ?

No,give me good food,well prepared and all ready at the same
time,civilized .

Anyway,I think its going to rain.

Exams

It is that time of year again when unfortunate kids the length
and breadth of the country are plunged into despair over the
prospects of taking their exams.The fact that these exams will
have a huge bearing on their careers and lives make them al-
most unbearably stressful.

It will probably come as a shock to most of you that I reached
Leaving Cert. standard many years ago,but we have all passed
a lot of water under the bridge since then.I have sometimes told
this story to a particularly forlorn student if the mood took me,
and because I'm in an uncharacteristically good mood this after-
noon,have decided to share it with you although I do not advoc-
ate the following of my example as not everyone can carry the
burden of guilt as easily as myself.

As generations of students before me and plenty after were told,
"Don't attempt to cheat,under any circumstance,or you will be
caught and you'll bring disgrace on yourself,your family and
the school,you'll never get away with it.Well I ploughed my way
through most of my exams in a mostly honest manner,all the time
being aware that the Supervisors,who were our soon to be ex-
teachers,had little or no interest in the proceedings and seemed
more intent on the perusal of the daily newspapers.

On the last day of the exams I decided to go for it and armed my-
self with all the notes,text-books and answer-books that might
prove useful and took my place with the rest of the students. I
suppose if this was a fable,I would say that I got caught cheating,
decided to mend my ways and become a better person, but I
didn't,which is how,much to the surprise of my teacher, I man-
aged to achieve Honours in Latin.

Quod erat demonstrandum.
(or whatever it should be.)

Blunt the useless cunt

I heard this yesterday and thought it was a gas.

Salad Days

I'm not a great fan of the Summer because it makes people
unseemly happy and for no great reason.People you are after
seeing all Winter traipsing about with pusses like Celine Dion
suddenly have springs in their steps and idiotic grins on their
faces.

It would churn your stomach to see couples walking about,
hand-in-hand,smiling inanely at each other.Even worse are
the families with one of those stupid looking go-fast buggies
with the wheel out in front like a Chopper in Easy Rider. No,
it suits me better when everyone is just as miserable as me.

As far as I can see,the only good thing about Summer is that
you can use butter (real butter) without resorting to a hammer
and chisel.

Now I'm not a violent man,despite my size,weight and strength.
Apart from the time that I tried to twist a fellow's head off his
shoulders when he pissed me off at a party(Its quite difficult but
I'd always wanted to twist someone's head off).

And apart from that chap in the sportscar who had cut me up
in traffic and sneered as he went past.Well he wasn't sneering
when I caught up with him at the next set of traffic-lights!

And apart from that teenager whose leg I broke with a kick
when I caught him stealing drink from my van one Christmas
eve.

And apart from the dozens of people upon whom I've threatened
to visit violence over the years(but never had to ).

Well maybe I am a Little violent and I've a good mind to go
over and have a word with oul' Go-be-the-wall Maroon who
is openly canvessing for replacements for myself and Binty.
No sooner had me'n'Binty sat down to rest our weary bones
when the treacherous oul' bollix is out,batin' the ditches for
extras to use in "Gothic."
You wouldn't mind but an educated man,like he's supposed to
be,should have realised that he'd have to bate 4 or 5 bloggers
into one to encapsulate the diversity of characters either of
us are or manic depressives,in other words.
The sheer gall of the little sleeveen,he's like a sweetheart who
suggests a trial seperation and then you see her warin' the
face off half the school disco,you fuckin' bitch,Janet.
As I've said,I've a good mind to go over and.......

In case you're wondering.....

A dark and terrible misfortune has befallen your oul' pal,Barney,
something so dreadful that I did not see it coming,had not imag-
ined it in my worst nightmares.
There I was,minding my own business,in a mild and unassuming
manner when an (ex) friend made me an offer I couldn't refuse.
The fuckin' bastard only offered me work, in front of Malicia.
What sort of a low-down scumbag does a thing like that? I mean,
fairs fair,but thats below the belt.I know I said somewhere that
I havn't decided whether I am between employments or just
early-retired, and I hadn't,but where am I supposed to find time
to work?
I don't mind doing little bits of work and the money does come
in handy,but its so fuckin' time consuming.
Before I had a chance to think up an excuse,Malicia nearly took
my ankle off with a well timed kick and all I could splutter was,

"Well if you're stuck I..."

"Great,Ill pick you up at 4.30 in the morning."

Bollix.So thats what happened,in case you're wondering.Missed you.

When the fields are white with Daisies....













I'll return.

Schoolyard Bullies

The only bright side to America's insidious influence over the
world is that ALL previous empires have fallen and are now
without pots within which to piss.Strictly speaking,America
is not an empire but her culture and influence are more far-
reaching than say,the British empire where the Sun never
set.Well the Sun cannot set on the American empire since
they annexed the Moon and Space.None of us will ever live
to see America become the butt of jokes like Little Brittainers,
Italians and Greeks have but we can rest assured that happen
it will.

We can even have a sneaky snigger at the loud-mouthed fat
bastards that waddle our way this Summer in the knowledge
of what will become of their off-spring.Don't be tempted to
feel sorry for them either because out of every group you
meet,at least half of them will have voted for Bush.Now theres
a fuckin' beaut.

Georgie boy,Dubya,the missing link,brain-dead pox-bottle,
cruel-as-Caligula cunt.I, for one,havn't bothered commenting
on the little bollix for a while because for one it is just too easy
to mock him,God knows,he he gives enough reasons but also
because he is mid-way through his final term and he can't do
much more to fuck-up the world,can he ? Of course he can and
what he is considering doing in Iran doesn't bear thinking about
but that is not the frightening thing.

What is frightening is who WE are going to be inflicted with
next. I say we because as leader of the free world he will be
our president as well, God help us.As far as I can see the Dem-
ocrats have Hilary Clinton and no one else and you can forget
about her as middle America is too backward to elect a woman.
No,the Republicans have perfected the Neo-Con right-wing
cloning machine and will have some red-neck none of us have
ever heard of puffing out his chest even as we speak,ready to
carry on the crusade.

Meanwhile Bush and his henchman Rhumsfeld strut the world
like schoolyard bullies,picking on the weak,Iraq and Afghanistan,
while avoiding the other bullies, China and North Korea,lest
they be given bloody noses.

G'luck.

Genesis,Yes,Wishbone Ash.

God looked down on what she had created and was pissed-off.
She was extremely concerned at the number of her children
who were addicted to blogging and disgusted at the blasphemy
there over the past few weeks.

"Enough." She said.

Genesis 19:15 KJV
"And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Barney, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daughters, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the Blogoshere. 16 And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the LORD being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city. 17 And it came to pass, when they had brought them forth abroad, that he said, Escape for thy life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the plain; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed."

And Barney said,"Lord,they can't all be bad,let me try to save
the decent souls therein."
The Lord answered,"Show me two decent men and I'll spare
everyone."

Barney hastened forth and came first upon Maroon,a notorious
Apothocary and man of ill repute.A short conversation confirmed
his mind to be infested with impure thoughts and deemed to be
beyond redemption.

A comely woman approached in the distance,raising Barney's
hopes of finding some decency but on nearing him she snagged
one of her 6" heels on the cobblestones and issued forth such
foul language that the saintly Barney had to cover his ears.

Much wailing and gnashing of teeth emanated from a dwelling
on a sidestreet and upon entering,Barney perceived a bearded
man laid out with a crowd gathered around his lifeless corpse.
The weeping women were so distrought that tears mingled with
mucus from their mouths and noses dripped on to the life-less
body,covering its face and beard with a saline residue.Even as
he looked,the body stirred and to gasps of horror sat bolt up-
right and issued a string of profanities at the fleeing crowd.

Next up,Barney's little heart was gladdened to meet Kim, a
renowned gentleman and held in the highest esteem by all he
encountered.Although he had been known to take amusement
from the blasphemy of others he was not,himself,a blasphemer.
Writing Kims name in a notebook,he continued his search.

Presently he came to the house of the Vestal Virgins from
whence he heard the sound of a woman sobbing.

"I'll surely get some names for the notebook here." Thought
Barney as he entered the portals and followed the sound of
the distressed woman.For that is what she was when he
found her,the most beautiful woman he had ever seen,her eyes
red from crying,her cheeks black from running mascara.

"Whatever is the matter,my dear,and where is everyone?

"They've all f f f fffff...." she sobbed

"Fallen ?"

"Fffffffff........"

"Fell into evil ways ? "

"Fffffffff........."

"Fornicated ?"

"Fffffffff........." There now,my dear,take a deep breath and tell
me your name.

"Its Lindy."sniffed she.Barney took out his notebook and began
to write her name in to it.

"They've all fucked off." Wailed Lindy,tears flowing again.

"Gone to the Brothel have they ?To become ladies of easy
virtue,have they ? Gone to earn some easy money,have they ?"

Lindy continued to cry but now they were tears of rage.

"Its fucking arseholes like you that have women like us living
in the Stone-age,seeing us as either virgins or whores you
pathetic little gombeen."

"But but."

"But me arse,I'll have you know that it was sheer boredom
that drove those women out,back to their careers."

"But I thought........."

"Thought is it,you need brains to think.Do you know Andraste
ran her own Camel train before she was brought here and Sam
had two businesses going.Miss Beauty,Miss Clairwil and the
new girl,Miss Stroppy all have their own lives to lead."

"But surely you......?"

"I was asleep when they all left or I'd have gone as well,I've
two books to finish writing,and two more to translate so if
you think I've nothing better to do than hang around and
play the Vestal Virgin for wankers like you then you've got
another think coming,arsehole."

Barney turned and walked slowly away,crossing out the Li he
had written in his book. His head reeling from the lecture,he
sought out the solace of his local,the appropriately named
"Den of Iniquity" where all forms of debauchery were encour-
aged by owner/manager,the notorious XX Major.It was here
that all the outwardly good citizens showed their true colours;
The gentle and wise primate cruelly prodding his human slave
to make him dance for the amusement of his fellow drinkers,
the flame-haired joker who had made his name in family enter-
tainment now regaling all and sundry with the most vile and
disgusting tales of perversion.There was the local doctor who
sated his fetish by licking the feet of leprous women,

"Here try one Barney,its not contagious."As he offered a
scabby foot,its owner grinning lasciviously through cracked
and bleeding lips.

"Maybe later."He made his way to the bar where he joined two
school-teachers who unfortunately for Barney had been there
all day and had just been refused more credit.

"Gis a tenner." Said Brewski,the drunker of the two.

"Go on,gis a tenner ,each ."Said Binty,his companion.

"You'll have to earn it, on your knees." Joked barney and pre-
tended to fumble with his fly.

"Ill give you knees, You dirrrty bastard." As he headbutted
Barney in the face,and Binty joined in by kicking him in the
ear as he went down.

"Get a doctor." Said XX.

"Not him." Said Barney as the fettishist approached.

Another doctor came out of the backroom,where he had been
dallying with what looked like a woad-coloured bearded lady,
but nobody had ever seen such a fur covered bearded lady
before.The doctor lanky,balding and bearded, seemed to float
across to Barney where he felt his pulse,fondled his testacles
and robbed his wallet.

Much sadder and very much wiser,Barney made his way home,

"Fuckin' shower of cunts." He thought as he tried to stop the
bleeding,

"Fire'n'Brimstone,whatever the fuck that is, is too good for
them, the cunts."

Outside his gate, Barney met Kim again.

"What was that list for,Barney ?" When Barney finished expl-
aining the reason,Kim exclaimed,

"You mean God is going to destroy the whole city ?"

Barney nodded.

Kim,aghast, "What a cunt."

Barney reached into his pocket and removing his notebook,
he tore it in bits and threw it in the air.Kim gave him a look
of disgust and said,

"Its litterbugs like you that have this city as bad as it is."

"Thats the least of your problems." Said Barney and went in
to help Malicia pack.




















Malicia looks back



Genesis 19:23 KJV
"The sun was risen upon the earth when Barney entered into Zoar. (24)Then the LORD rained upon The Blogoshere brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven; (25) And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground. (26) But his wife ,Malicia, looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt."

Morto

I was leaving Fairyhouse the other day,in a mild and inoffensive
manner,a little sadder and wiser than I had been three hours
previously.I had left during the second last race to avoid the
traffic and it was very quiet outside except for the Hawkers who
had been facing the crowds as they entered,now had their stalls
turned towards the exits.

"Any apples or pears,mister ?"

"No thanks."

"Ah go on mister,bring 'em home for the youngsters."

"No thanks, sure don't I sell them meself." This usually got me
off the hook but the old crone was persistent.She switched tack.

"Toblerones or chocolate then."

"No thanks."

"Ten for a fiver,take your pick,the last few."

"No,I'm ok.,thanks."

"Don't be so mane,go on, for the kids,ten for a fiver."

"They're sick of chocolate,no thanks." If its one thing kids
don't need more of at Easter,its chocolate.Don't talk to me
about skid-marks.

"Ya grumpy oul' fecker,givvus the fiver anyway."

"Tell you what,come around the back of the stands with me
and earn your fiver."Now this oul' fuck was eighty if she was
a day and could easily have been the foster-mother Mick
Jagger sang about on Jumpin' Jack Flash and I didn't even
think she heard me.Wrong.

"Ya dirty oul' thing,Mary,Mary,did you hear what he said.
Ya dirty thing,ya dirty oul' thing."Her voice got louder
and shriller,

"Mary,did ya hear him,ya dirty oul' thing."

"How much did you say the chocolate was ?"

"I'll sell ya nuthin',ya dirty oul' thing."

I could still hear her giving out as I got into my car,hundreds
of yards away,talk about tail between me legs,I thought out
I'd never get.

Serves me right.

God,the vindictive oul' bitch,got her own back on
me today.

I was tortured and robbed this morning and am feeling very
sorry for myself.

But far worse than the actual extraction was the Dentist telling
me to avoid smoking and alcohol(underlined) for the rest of the
day.So far so good with the smoking but the whiskey tasted funny
through a straw.