The following takes us beyond the edge of decency, again, if you are easily
offended, I thought I told you to fuck off.
After the night I had just experienced I knew I could die a
happy man, but not just yet, not without a drink first, at least.
My temple was throbbing as much as my "head" was
" I suppose a drink is out of the question."
WHACK. Mbosi lashed the hilt across my shin.
He was not a large man, rather on the small side, petite even,
all right, he was a fuckin' dwarf and the little bollix was enjoying
our present circumstance.
" Fuck you, I want a drink."
Thinks......... " Rule 1, Do not aggravate a Dwarf with a bayonet "
" I am not happy." said Mbosi.
" well which one are you ?" God help me, I couldn't resist it.
Obviously not the first time he heard it.
Thinks............ " Rule 2, for fuck's sake, heed rule 1.
" Mr. Barney, you have something I and my large organization
want and need."
" If you keep flicking that bayonet, you'll have something I
want and need."
Thinks.................... " Jaysus.", says............
" Fuck you, shortarse, who let you out ? "
" Where did you learn to scam ? You must've gone to the
George Bush school of scamming.
Thinks.................... Rule 1, rule 1, for fucks sake, rule 1.
" Do you know," says the little bollix, I was quite hoping you'd
be un-cooperative, we'll see how cocky you are when we're
finished with you." He reached down and produced a small
leather case and slowly unzipped it.
" O.K. Rosie, you know what to do."
Jesus, did she know. Out of the case he palmed a video camera
as Rosie begun to caress my tenderest bits. It was plain to all
that I was heroically trying to ignore Rosie's devilish ministrations,
no more than reasonably successfully when Katya intervened.
" Perhaps I can encourage him." she said slyly and Mbosi
nodded his agreement.
Thinks....................I'm bolloxed now.
She rummaged about on the table and came up behind me
with a tumbler full of Hennessy, cradled my head with one
hand and poured the French-style water-of-life into my
parched mouth and I could've sworn she gave me a con-
piratorial wink as she did so, she also " cradled " my other
bits when she'd emptied the glass.
It wasn't exactly my idea of torture, I thought, as the
brandy kicked in and the chemicals of the previous night
released their residue. I'll tell you one thing, that Rosie
knew her job, I'd swear she could suck the chrome off a
tow-bar ball-hitch. I closed my eyes and let nature and
Rosie take its course and just as the fireworks started,
the fireworks started.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
taste so anyone among you who is easily offended can fuck off right now.
I don't know who or what they were expecting but
whatever it was, I wasn't it.
I had arrived hot and bothered with my feet feeling
like a pair of pig's trotters so I stripped off bollick-
naked and guzzled the contents of my little bar and
rang down to order more ,Hennessy, Smirnoff Blue and
Jaegermeister, at least pint bottles thereof, and don't
make me go down to yis, or there'll be wigs on the Green.
So I perforformed my ablutions, s,s&s and was busy
modelling one of those towelly dressing-gowns, Jesus,
do they not make them in mens sizes ? Think of a cross
between a Sixties Brigitte Bardot and the Incredible Hulk,
nice legs though.
My reverie was interupted by a light tap on the door, too
light for a porter, I thought, as I answered and how
right I was because what met my gaping face was one
of the tallest, darkest, most sensual women I had ever
clapped eyes on followed by an even more exotic blonde.
" Mr. Mbosi sent us to keep you company until he can
join us." purred Rosie
" He hopes you will excuse his tardiness " added Katya
as they introduced themselves.
They then proceeded to do more for me than any
woman has done for a long time. Katya managed to
tune Sky Sports in ,which I had been unable to do,
while Rosie poured me a tumbler of Smirnoff Blue
and rang room service for some Champagne and 3
plates of Lobster Thermidor, the speciality of the
As the evening passed I pretended not to notice them
adding something to each drink they fixed for me and
I can't say what it was thay added, I do, however,
know what I added to theirs. You have never lived
'til you see the effect an Ecstacy and a Cialis tablet
have on even the most modest of women, and this
pair of beauts were certainly far from modest.
I popped a couple of Dexys myself in case whatever
they had given me was not strong enough and
watched them getting jiggy with each other, suffice
to say, there was not a dry seat in the house.
Such a fucking night we had, or should that be the
other way around.
I was awakened rather roughly the next morning
by our Mr. Mbosi, as I discovered him to be,
poking a knife into my goolies and when I tried to
jump up found my wrists handcuffed to either
side of the Four-poster.
He held in his hand a bayonet of some sort with a large hilt
affixed to a blade which must have been at least a foot long
and he was flicking at my balls as a fisherman would flick lice off
a wild Salmon.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
" What would you like for Christmas this year?"
"There is nothing you have not given me already."
"But there must be something, my darling."
"Absolutely nothing, my precious "
" Would you like a new hat ? "
"I have at least twenty."
"A nice grey Homburg, my dearest ? "
"I really don't think so, light of my life. "
"Matching gloves and scarf, blood of my veins ? "
" Really Ellie, there is nothing I want "
"My poor Nikki, you've been so down lately that I
just wanted to take your mind off things."
"Things will improve in the new year, you'll see, we
might take a long weekend somewhere."
"Really Nikki, Where would we go ?"
"Oh, anywhere, Moscow, perhaps."
" Thats exactly what we need, I really don't think I
can cope with any more bad news at the moment,
its just one thing after another."
"I've told you ,dearest Ellie, we'll be allright, we
did not make the same silly mistakes all the
" But they all seemed so strong, so secure."
" Their foundations were shaky and they took their
eyes off the ball, gave too much, too easily."
" Its heartbreaking to see them drop, one by one."
" It won't happen here, dearest Elena "
" you said it wouldn't happen in Poland." She sighed,
" Or Hungary, or Czechoslovakia and two weeks ago,
" We've ruled here for 21 years, they wouldn't dare,
besides, the people love us." said Nicolae.
One week later, this happened on Christmas Day 1989.
I wonder was it the same for the Aztecs just before the end?
Were the citizens of Rome, even as Aleric and his horde of
Visigoths advanced on their once great city, still hoping for
some kind of miracle, as their leaders faffed about with
mickey-mouse solutions ? Did they not see the end coming?
Do we ?
Sunday, October 05, 2008
that last posting the sneaky little bollix resigned and
as some of you may know, Ireland voted to reject the
Lisbon Treaty and hopefully save Europe from even
more Scutterology ( abuse of power by unelected